CHRISTOPHER STEVENS REVIEWS LAST NIGHT'S TV

    [ad_1]

    CHRISTOPHER STEVENS REVIEWS LAST NIGHT’S TV: Telly’s worst food disaster since Bake Off’s pud sabotage scandal

    For a dessert that nobody has eaten in real life since the era of Cinzano Bianco and chicken-in-a-basket, one pudding causes more drama on TV than any other — the Baked Alaska.

    It’s now seven years since a Great British Bake Off contestant infamously dumped his sloppy Alaska into a bin, accusing a rival baker of sabotage.

    Bearded engineer Iain Watters claimed his ice cream dish was deliberately removed from a freezer and left to melt — an accusation hotly denied. There has not been such controversy on the Bake Off since . . . perhaps because Paul Hollywood & Co have wisely ensured that no one ever attempts the Alaska again.

    McFly drummer Harry Judd, pictured, was avoided elimination from last night's Cooking With The Stars on ITV with his Baked Alaska, pictured

    McFly drummer Harry Judd, pictured, was avoided elimination from last night’s Cooking With The Stars on ITV with his Baked Alaska, pictured

    Pop producer Naughty Boy, left, was the first person to be eliminated from the competition

    Pop producer Naughty Boy, left, was the first person to be eliminated from the competition

    Who needs global warming when you’ve got a combination of meringue, vanilla ice and blowtorches? It’s bound to end in disaster. But that didn’t deter the makers of Cooking With The Stars (ITV). As the final challenge of the opening show, two hapless cooks were handed eggs, a whisk, some slabs of ice cream and a pocket flame-thrower — and given 45 minutes to bake their Alaskas.

    The resulting mess was as predictable as it was unappetising. In an eliminator round to decide which celeb was first to be sent home, pop producer Naughty Boy and McFly drummer Harry Judd competed to prove their complete incompetence. Both platters looked like a scoop of custard topped with soapsuds. It took a panel of eight professional chefs to decide which was worse.

    Catastrophe is the whole point of this boisterous, entertaining format. Eight well-known faces, including actress Denise Van Outen and TV personality A.J. Odudu, take it in turns to go head-to-head in timed ‘cook-offs’.

    Comedian Griff Rhys Jones guiltily admitted he couldn’t cook to save his life. It turned out he’s not alone — they’re all hopeless.

    Harry described himself as ‘a master of the microwave’. Stand-up comic Johnny Vegas went one better: ‘I’ve only ever peeled the lid off and put hot water in.’

    Johnny revealed he wasn’t kidding when he poured a pint of cooking oil into his sauce — he thought it was beef stock. ‘It tastes like it’s come out of a chippy,’ he howled. And he still wasn’t the worst cook of the night.

    Normally Cordon Bleu contests at least showcase some real talent. Former politician Ed Balls might not be able to dance, but he demonstrated in Celebrity Best Home Cook on BBC1 earlier this year that he does know his way around a frying pan.

    The ITV bunch have no less enthusiasm but a lot less ability. Just be thankful we don’t have to eat what they’re serving.

    Childcare kit of the night

     Becky (Phoebe Roberts), the two-faced nanny in Lie With Me (C5), slipped off her dress to reveal a bizarre bondage outfit. 

    Then she produced handcuffs. I’m sure Mary Poppins didn’t go in for that sort of thing. 

    All she had was an umbrella.

    Concert pianist Masa Tayama and his fiancée Rhiana Henderson won’t be cooking banquets in their tiny galley kitchen, aboard their £240,000 barge.

    The bespoke boat, delivered to its moorings in Uxbridge by lorry in My Floating Home (More4), devotes most of its space to a music hall, with an £80,000 grand piano on board.

    Presenter Mark Evans marvelled at the opulence of the barge, with its gold taps, parquet flooring and swirling fused glass panels. It’s a work of art.

    The homes in this enjoyably off-beat series sometimes seem like glimpses of the future, sea-going portents of how we’ll all be living if the oceans rise too high. But I suspect concert venues in canals will always be a rarity.

    A vet, mechanic and architecture enthusiast, Mark was highly impressed with the boat’s electric engine — but he plainly hasn’t got a clue about music. Masa is one of the world’s leading interpreters of Rachmaninov. ‘Knock out a tune for us,’ said Mark. ‘Tickle those ivories.’ Talk about sounding the wrong note.

    On More 4, a couple awaited for the delivery of a house boat in the new show My Floating Home

    On More 4, a couple awaited for the delivery of a house boat in the new show My Floating Home

    Advertisement

    [ad_2]

    Previous articleKim Jong-un could be holidaying on board huge boat complete with water park – reports
    Next articleFormer Married At First Sight's Jessika Power reveals EVERY cosmetic procedure she's had

    LEAVE A REPLY

    Please enter your comment!
    Please enter your name here