Liam Payne reveals he suffered 'severe' suicidal thoughts during 'pills and booze phase'

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Liam Payne has revealed he suffered with ‘severe’ suicidal thoughts.

The singer, 27, gave fans a candid insight into his life as he discussed his wild ‘pills and booze phase’ during his One Direction days. 

Speaking with Steven Barlett on the Diary of a CEO podcast, Liam – who recently called off his engagement to American model Maya Henry – also revealed he is unable to carry out basic everyday tasks and still ‘feels like a child’ despite his £500 million net worth.  

Candid: Liam Payne, 27, revealed he suffered 'severe' suicidal thoughts during a 'pills and booze phase' and said he’s worth £500M but 'feels like a child' in a candid chat

Candid: Liam Payne, 27, revealed he suffered ‘severe’ suicidal thoughts during a ‘pills and booze phase’ and said he’s worth £500M but ‘feels like a child’ in a candid chat

Liam admitted that during his time in One Direction he struggled with addiction and mental health issues that he has kept secret, until now. 

The group, formed of Liam, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik was formed on The X Factor in 2010, and they went on to become the biggest boyband in the world before their split in 2015.

Yet Liam struggled to stay sober on tour, confessing: ‘There were a few pictures of me on a boat and I was all bloated out and I call it my pills-and-booze face.

‘My face was 10 times bigger than it is now. The problem was, the best way to secure us was to lock us in our rooms, and what is in the room? A mini-bar.

‘So I had a party-for-one that seemed to carry on for years. It was wild but the only way you could get frustration out.’ 

Bloated out: Liam said he struggled to stay sober in One Direction, confessing: ' There were a few pictures of me on a boat and I was all bloated out and I call it my pills-and-booze face' (pictured in 2014)

Bloated out: Liam said he struggled to stay sober in One Direction, confessing: ‘ There were a few pictures of me on a boat and I was all bloated out and I call it my pills-and-booze face’ (pictured in 2014) 

He also struggled with his mental health, and when asked about ‘moments of suicidal ideation’, Liam confessed: ‘Yeah. There is definitely some stuff I have never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really severe. ‘

Liam also spoke about how finding fame at a young age meant that he was unable to care for himself, as he had all basic tasks carried out for him.  

He explained: ‘I was a director of a half-a-billion pound industry at 22. But if I am trying to pay car insurance I am useless. Picking up my post? I am the worst person in the world. You are deluded in your growth.’

The Strip That Down hitmaker added: ‘I still feel like a child in so many ways. There is no link between money and happiness. It is a myth. Money is the ability to relax on certain things.’ 

Finding fame: One Direction - Niall Horan, Louis, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Harry Styles - formed on The X Factor in 2010, and they went on to become the biggest boyband in the world

Finding fame: One Direction – Niall Horan, Louis, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Harry Styles – formed on The X Factor in 2010, and they went on to become the biggest boyband in the world

Liam went on to reveal that he slipped back into bad habits during lockdown, and became reliant on alcohol, which led to him putting on weight. 

He explained: ‘I did worry up until the last few months. I think a lot of people had this same sort of thing, alcohol. It was getting earlier and earlier and easier and easier to go to.

‘What I’ve found more than anything with the alcohol is boundaries. If you’re on Zoom you can probably get away with being a bit tipsy, when you’re not supposed to be.

‘I put on so much weight, I was eating badly and describing it as a bulking period — “I’m doing it for a movie role! It’s all good!” That’s the best excuse if anyone asks if you’ve put on weight. Say it’s for a role, coming out 2022.

‘I put a lot of weight on. What got me, I did one performance on TV with the BAFTAs and I was disappointed with myself. I didn’t look how I wanted to look.

‘In your own self you know how you feel about it. Obviously they say the camera adds ten pounds and it definitely did. I realised I’ve let myself go in this.’

Elsewhere on the podcast, Liam revealed why he called off his engagement to fiancée Maya.  

The couple confirmed their engagement in August 2020 after Liam popped the question during lockdown with a £3 million ring.  

The pair were first linked back in August 2018 shortly after Liam’s high-profile split from Cheryl, 37, with whom he shares son Bear, three.  

Sad news: Elsewhere on the podcast, Liam revealed why he called off his engagement to fiancée Maya as he said he needs to 'work on himself'  (last pictured in September 2020)

Sad news: Elsewhere on the podcast, Liam revealed why he called off his engagement to fiancée Maya as he said he needs to ‘work on himself’  (last pictured in September 2020) 

Confirming that he is now single, Liam said on the podcast: ‘I feel like more than anything at this point, I’m more disappointed in myself that I keep on hurting people. 

‘That annoys me. I’ve just not been very good at relationships. And I know what my pattern of things is with relationships at this point.

‘I’m just not very good at them so I just need to work on myself before I put myself on to somebody else.’ 

Confirming he is now single, Liam said: 'I feel like more than anything at this point, I'm more disappointed in myself that I keep on hurting people' (pictured October 2019)

Confirming he is now single, Liam said: ‘I feel like more than anything at this point, I’m more disappointed in myself that I keep on hurting people’ (pictured October 2019) 

The Strip That Down singer continued: ‘That’s where I got to in my last relationship. 

‘I just wasn’t giving a very good version of me anymore, that I didn’t appreciate and I didn’t like being. I can honestly say I feel better out of it.

‘I didn’t feel good doing what I did but it had to happen. Just a corny way to say it was the best for us both.’ 

The split will come as a shock to their fans, as although the pair haven’t been photographed together since September 2020, the couple still follow each other on Instagram and have kept their pictures up with each other.  

Liam popped the question to Maya last year with a dazzling diamond ring that set him back an eye-watering £3 million.

MailOnline exclusively broke the news of their engagement in August, the singer then confirmed he had popped the question over the first lockdown. 

The pair were first linked back in August 2018 shortly after Liam split from Cheryl. 

However, they first set eyes on each other three years earlier, when they were pictured together at a meet-and-greet event when One Direction fan Maya was 15.

Family man: Maya and Liam were first linked back in August 2018 shortly after Liam's high-profile split from Cheryl, 37, with whom he shares son Bear, three (pictured together in 2016)

Family man: Maya and Liam were first linked back in August 2018 shortly after Liam’s high-profile split from Cheryl, 37, with whom he shares son Bear, three (pictured together in 2016)

It wasn’t until September 2019 that Liam publicly spoke about his blossoming romance, while promoting his single Stack It Up.

Prior to dating Maya he is said to have enjoyed a four-month whirlwind romance with supermodel Naomi Campbell, which ended in April 2019. 

He said during an appearance on Capital Breakfast with Roman Kemp: ‘We’re fairly happy at the moment. I’m just past the point of where I’m bothered or not.

‘It’s not worth my happiness; I’d just rather go out and do what I want. I’ve got nothing to hide.’

Liam said: 'I've just not been very good at relationships... so I just need to work on myself before I put myself on to somebody else' (pictured December 2019)

Liam said: ‘I’ve just not been very good at relationships… so I just need to work on myself before I put myself on to somebody else’ (pictured December 2019) 

That same month, Liam made things Instagram official, when he took to the image-sharing platform to upload a heartwarming snap of him laughing and hugging Maya.

Captioning the snap, he wrote: ‘Sometimes I don’t recognise this happy guy… sure glad you brought him back though.

‘This has been the most amazing release week to date! Massive thank you to all my team for helping setting it all up and making it run smooth.

‘Then last but not least this one @maya_henry for always keeping the biggest smile on my face through all the stress and making me realise how perfect my life really is. Love you all let’s stack this sh** up.’

Brunette beauty Maya wrote in response: ‘So proud of you and so glad we can be happy together. Stack it up biisshhh.’ [sic]

Instagram official: Liam made things Instagram official in September 2019 when he took to the image-sharing platform to upload a heartwarming snap of him laughing and hugging Maya

Instagram official: Liam made things Instagram official in September 2019 when he took to the image-sharing platform to upload a heartwarming snap of him laughing and hugging Maya 

Model Maya is the daughter of Thomas J. Henry – a Texan lawyer who amassed his wealth running his own personal injury firm.  

The company is described on its website as ‘one of the biggest plaintiff’s firms in Texas’, with Maya the heiress to the multi-million pound fortune.

The beauty has still been reaping the benefits of her father’s success during her youth – with her Quinceañera, the Spanish coming of age party at 15 years old, costing a whopping £4million. 

Gem: Liam popped the question to Maya last year with a dazzling diamond ring that set him back an eye-watering £3 million

Gem: Liam popped the question to Maya last year with a dazzling diamond ring that set him back an eye-watering £3 million

Despite her privileged background, the beauty is driven to succeed on her own – having revealed her desire to be a human rights lawyer ‘like Amal Clooney’ to the Business Insider.

Not only successful in the classroom, with her favourite subject algebra, the brunette is also interested in fitness, and was a competitive tennis player in her youth. 

She even set up her own charity, Maya’s Corner, as a child, which provides school supplies and now education opportunities to underprivileged kids across the US.

Liam’s most high-profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior.

Cheryl was 24 when a then 14-year-old Liam first auditioned for the X Factor back in 2008, but despite his tender years, cheeky Liam was full of confidence as he gave his future love a cheeky wink.

In a clip of their first meeting, Cheryl calls the musician ‘really cute,’ some seven years before they struck up their relationship.

Liam and Cheryl came initially face-to-face two years before he returned to the show as a solo singer in 2010 and was one of the finalists chosen form one fifth of the boyband 1D.

In the clip, Cheryl is seen turning to the panel with a nod of the head and raised eyebrows as her future beau sings Fly Me To The Moon, before Liam looks at her and accompanies the lyrics ‘In other words, baby kiss me’ with a confident wink.

Seemingly impressed by his potential when he first sang for the judges, Cheryl’s feedback gushed: ‘I think you’re really cute, I think you’ve got charisma, you know you give us that little cheeky wink.’

Liam reached the Boot Camp stage of the competition, before being kicked out of the competition by Boys’ category mentor Simon just ahead of the Live Shows.

First meeting: Liam's most high profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior. They first crossed paths on the X Factor in 2008 when she was 24 and he was 14

Wink: Cheryl told a teenage Liam that she thought he was 'really cute' when he winked at her during his 2008 audition, seven years before their professional relationship turned to something more

First meeting: Liam’s most high profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior. They first crossed paths on the X Factor in 2008 when she was 24 and he was 14

During Cheryl’s third stint on the singing competition, in 2010, a familiar face returned, this time as a 16-year-old Liam, who wowed the judges with his performance of Julie London’s Cry Me A River.

After listening to his first-round audition that year, Cheryl gushed again: ‘You’ve definitely got it, whatever “it” is, you’ve got it. I thought your voice was really, really powerful.’

Cheryl ran in the same circles ever since, with Liam going on to achieve international stardom with bandmates Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik but returning regularly for visits to the show that made him famous.

The pair’s romance is said to have started in December 2015 when they got reacquainted at the X Factor final, which he attended with Harry, Louis and Niall.

Pregnancy: The pair's romance is said to have started in December 2015 when they got reacquainted at the X Factor final, with Cheryl debuting her baby bump with son Bear in November the next year

Pregnancy: The pair’s romance is said to have started in December 2015 when they got reacquainted at the X Factor final, with Cheryl debuting her baby bump with son Bear in November the next year

Cheryl and Liam went public with their romance in February 2016 after being spotted together in a supermarket in Guildford, Surrey – welcoming son Bear in March 2017.

They went their separate ways in July 2018 following a two and a half year romance.

The pair are said to have remained civil since their split, with the hunk even insisting he would be not sure what he and son Bear would do without single Cheryl in a sweet Mother’s Day post.

Whirlwind romance: The couple welcomed Bear in March 2017 but confirmed the end of their romance in July 2018

Whirlwind romance: The couple welcomed Bear in March 2017 but confirmed the end of their romance in July 2018

Back in April, Liam also spoke about his strong bond with his ex, stating: ‘Cheryl is literally the best person to co-parent with. No stress involved. It’s very, very relaxed, and we spend a lot of time on FaceTime.

‘And it’s been really lovely, and I’m closer to them than I’ve ever been before, actually, which is really, really nice.

‘But bedtime FaceTime can go really well sometimes. Or I bought him some toys yesterday that I showed them on the FaceTime and it was like I had to go and travel over and hand the toys over the fence!’

WHOLE LOT OF (DATING) HISTORY: A LOOK BACK AT LIAM’S LOVES

Danielle Peazar (2010-2012) 

Liam met dancer Danielle when they both appeared on The X Factor in 2010 with the couple going on to date for two years. 

The pair enjoyed a very brief reconciliation the following year, but soon called it quits for good.   

In 2018, Danielle sparked rumours she was back in touch the singer after a fan asked Danielle if she and the singer kept in contact during an Instagram Q&A, to which she responded: ‘I’m gonna keep that between him and I.’

Former flame: Liam Payne dated Danielle Peazar from 2010-2012 after meeting on The X Factor where she worked as a dancer

Former flame: Liam Payne dated Danielle Peazar from 2010-2012 after meeting on The X Factor where she worked as a dancer 

Sophia Smith (2013-2015) 

Liam and Sophia originally met when they were both in school, but didn’t date until 2013, splitting in October 2015. 

He told The Sun On Sunday at the time: ‘I’m absolutely devastated to have split with Sophia, but in order to do right by somebody, sometimes it’s better not to do what your heart wants, but to do what’s better for them.’

The split came as a shock to fans as just weeks before the boyband hunk admitted that the pair were talking about marriage.

In an interview with Attitude magazine, he said: ‘We have talked about marriage, but 22 seems a bit young for us. Sophia needs to go off and do what she wants to do.

‘I don’t want her to be one of those stay-at-home girlfriends who doesn’t really do much.’

Schoolyard crush: Liam and Sophia Smith originally met when they were both in school, but didn’t date until 2013, splitting in October 2015

Schoolyard crush: Liam and Sophia Smith originally met when they were both in school, but didn’t date until 2013, splitting in October 2015

 Cheryl (2015-2017) 

Liam’s most high-profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior.

The couple first met when Cheryl was 24 when a then 14-year-old Liam first auditioned for the X Factor back in 2008, but the pair’s romance is said to have started in December 2015 when they got reacquainted at the X Factor final.

Cheryl and Liam went public with their romance in February 2016 and welcomed son Bear in March 2017.

The couple went their separate ways in July 2018 following a two and a half year romance but have remained amicable co-parents to their son. 

High-profile: Liam's most high-profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior and the couple share son Bear (pictured in 2018)

High-profile: Liam’s most high-profile romance was with singer Cheryl, who is 10 years his senior and the couple share son Bear (pictured in 2018) 

Cairo Dwek (2018) 

Liam enjoyed a summer romance with model Cairo, with their two-month relationship coming to an end in September 2018 after two months of dating.

The Bedroom Floor hitmaker confirmed their split when fans quizzed him on his relationship status – bizarrely beneath one of singer John Mayer’s live Instagram videos.

After John told fans he was single, Liam quickly shut down speculation adding: ‘I’m single too,’ followed by a wink emoji. 

Summer loving: Liam enjoyed a summer romance with model Cairo, with their two-month relationship coming to an end in September 2018 after two months of dating

Summer loving: Liam enjoyed a summer romance with model Cairo, with their two-month relationship coming to an end in September 2018 after two months of dating

Naomi Campbell (2019)

Liam was linked Naomi, who is 23 years older than him, in 2019, with the couple said to have enjoyed a four-month fling that ended in April after Naomi got ‘bored’ of the singer.   

It began with a seemingly harmless flirtation on Instagram, liking and commenting on one another’s steamy posts.

Liam described her as ‘perfection in a person’, with her branding him ‘a beautiful soul’.

There were reports about Liam bragging about the couple’s ‘mind-blowing’ sex, but when Naomi was asked outright about the tryst on The Jonathan Ross Show she said the rumours were ‘humorous’. Any romance appeared to end shortly after this.

Model moment: Liam was linked Naomi, who is 23 years older than him, in 2019, with the couple said to have enjoyed a four-month fling that ended in April

Model moment: Liam was linked Naomi, who is 23 years older than him, in 2019, with the couple said to have enjoyed a four-month fling that ended in April

Maya Henry (2019-2021)

Liam revealed in June that he had called off his engagement to fiancée Maya, in order to ‘work on himself’.  

The couple confirmed their engagement in August 2020 after Liam popped the question during lockdown with a £3 million ring.  

The pair were first linked back in August 2018 shortly after Liam’s high-profile split from Cheryl. 

However, they first set eyes on each other three years earlier, when they were pictured together at a meet-and-greet event when One Direction fan Maya was 15.

End of an era: Liam revealed in June that he had called off his engagement to fiancée Maya, in order to 'work on himself'. The couple had dated for two years

End of an era: Liam revealed in June that he had called off his engagement to fiancée Maya, in order to ‘work on himself’. The couple had dated for two years 

 

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