Home Tv & Show Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN's ultimate insight into the week's soaps

Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN's ultimate insight into the week's soaps

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Has Corrie’s Max overdosed on spinach? 

Is there any other explanation for his having sprouted up 3ft in lockdown?

Yes, it’s a different actor, but there’s not a smidgen of similarity; he’s also undergone a personality transplant. 

Yes, Little Max had problems, but Big Max looks as if he’s eaten three of him for breakfast and still had room left for several Big Macs.

Corrie’s Todd transplant has worked because the character had not been around for aeons, although his transformation into the devil incarnate was never wholly convincing. 

Now, however, they’ve paired him with undertaker George (played by the hilarious Tony Maudsley), and, lo and behold, another great Street double act is born.

Janine thinks she needs to overhaul her life to get Scarlett back (overhaul? We’re talking emotional JCB here), and manoeuvres her way into getting a trial shift back behind the bar (pictured), where she thinks she belongs. Let’s be honest – anyone would be better than a landlady heaving her way through childbirth and Tracey the Mute

Janine thinks she needs to overhaul her life to get Scarlett back (overhaul? We’re talking emotional JCB here), and manoeuvres her way into getting a trial shift back behind the bar (pictured), where she thinks she belongs. Let’s be honest – anyone would be better than a landlady heaving her way through childbirth and Tracey the Mute

Changing actors is always a bigger problem than characters returning in the same guise. 

EastEnders’ Janine has returned as if she has never been away, although her born-again maternal instinct is about as convincing as her firefighting skills.

Likewise, Emmerdale’s Bernice slotted right back in. Men everywhere, beware. Janine and Bernice haven’t changed their spots as far as guys are concerned.

EASTENDERS: SCARLETT FEVER

Well, that was always on the cards. Ever since his grand entrance, Zack has been descending on Walford women as if the species were going out of fashion, so it was inevitable that Janine would take his fancy.

Scarlett, however, is alarmed to find him in the living room after spending the night, and Kat is none too happy, either (it’s not often women beat her in the race to land the fresh meat, but she’s way back in the queue as far as Zack’s concerned).

Janine thinks she needs to overhaul her life to get Scarlett back (overhaul? 

We’re talking emotional JCB here), and manoeuvres her way into getting a trial shift back behind the bar where she thinks she belongs. 

Let’s be honest – anyone would be better than a landlady heaving her way through childbirth and Tracey the Mute.

Gray is now moving in on Whitney, who appears to want to take things slowly (that’s really a first for her), but when Jen offers her a singing slot on a cruise ship, what will Gray do when he fears he is losing control (again)? 

Let’s hope he persuades Whitney not to go, if only to save the ship from the number of people jumping overboard when she takes the mic.

Bad news of the week: Sharon tells Martin she knows a lawyer who can help with the divorce (there are no decent lawyers within a 100-mile radius of Walford).

CORONATION STREET: HAIR-RAISING  

Hair is always the default switch when major storylines about serial killers and adulterers have run out.

Here’s another one, following the revelation that Rita had secretly been having her hair coloured by Claudia rather than Audrey. 

Well, who could blame her? Audrey’s hair has looked in need of a topiarist for decades.

When Gail arranges a birthday meal, Audrey loses it, and heads out in her car before she hears a crunch – a shocked Gail tells her that she has backed into Rita’s car (pictured).

When Gail arranges a birthday meal, Audrey loses it, and heads out in her car before she hears a crunch – a shocked Gail tells her that she has backed into Rita’s car (pictured). 

When Gail arranges a birthday meal, Audrey loses it, and heads out in her car before she hears a crunch – a shocked Gail tells her that she has backed into Rita’s car.

Hang on… since when did either of the women have a car? 

And why, if they do own them, have they not been arrested for drink driving, when they’ve been over the limit for about five decades?

Toyah, meanwhile, is distressed to discover that Imran has lied to her. No surprise there; he’s been lying to his clients for years about being a hotshot lawyer. 

Maybe if Toyah shut up for two minutes and stopped indulging ShrinksRUs.com (seriously – she’s as bad a therapist as he is a lawyer), then she would stand a better chance of finding out who he really is.

EMMERDALE: MEDICAL EMERGENCY?

Leyla (pictured with Liam) is concerned about his behaviour since he started working at Hotten General, but then wouldn’t anyone’s behaviour be odd when the only people in the beds are the victims of village kidnappings and shootings?

Leyla (pictured with Liam) is concerned about his behaviour since he started working at Hotten General, but then wouldn’t anyone’s behaviour be odd when the only people in the beds are the victims of village kidnappings and shootings?

Liam is not a happy bunny. 

In fact, if Liam were in a stew surrounded by carrots and leeks, he could not be less of a happy bunny.

Leyla is concerned about his behaviour since he started working at Hotten General, but then wouldn’t anyone’s behaviour be odd when the only people in the beds are the victims of village kidnappings and shootings? 

Upon discovering that Liam is not even working there (Phew! That shaves a bit off the set budget), she and Priya follow him to a house with a For Sale sign. 

What’s going on? Frankly, if he’s there just to find a pot plant to hide from Priya, that’s fine.

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